Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
