How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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