Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
