Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
