I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
