i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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