Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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