He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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