i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
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My penis needs a shock collar
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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