a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
