SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize