i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
