Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
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I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
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He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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