omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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