just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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