If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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