Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize