i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize