It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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