So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish you could order shots online.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
