i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
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Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
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I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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