Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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