A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize