Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
