remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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