WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
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I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
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I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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