the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
