i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
