We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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