cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
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At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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