PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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