Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
