your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
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BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I need water and some morals
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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