did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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