it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
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All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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