Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
