I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
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she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
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I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're a disaster