He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Say something about gay babies.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange