Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
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She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.