Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
