I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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