if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
