$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
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Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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