suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
