Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
