Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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