i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
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Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
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I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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