This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
