escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
