I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
