Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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