dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
