thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
